'The Poacher' Series

A few nights ago at Terroir, it was a typically wine trade oriented crowd: a distributor rep, an importer rep, a shop employee (me), a former importer rep. So the conversation was appropriately wine trade oriented. We geeked out, debated the quality of a certain national importer/ personality's champagne book, and then exchanged stories of one Captain Tumor Man.

There was the recent San Francisco trade tasting where, towards the end of the event, a late arriving merchant requested that a new bottle be opened, acted like a jerk, and in a moment surely to be treasured by long suffering salespeople the world over, was summarily told by our hero Captain Tumor Man to go fuck himself.

Then there was the time that Captain Tumor Man attended a competitor's trade tasting, declared most of the wines to be garbage, found the one producer he liked, and promised that he'd poach that producer in short order. Well, that is exactly what happened. You are so nice, Captain Tumor Man.

So I'm enjoying my day off today, sleeping in, eating baked goods, drinking chai and what not, and thinking that I applaud this brand of confidence bordering on cockiness occasionally shown by east coast wine importers. In fact, I'd like to commemorate their efforts by producing a few 'battle tracks.' You know, some seriously gangsta' wine lyrics (rapped by the importers themselves),or at least choice vocal samples, strategic scratching, hard drums. I will call it 'The Poacher' series. After all, if one can insult another's rapping ability, question his masculinity, or claim to have engaged in sexual intercourse with his girl, why not adjust the insults to the wine world: your palate sucks, you pal around with losers, I'll steal your producer. That's what I'm talking about.
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'The Poacher,' vol. 1, coming your way some time in the '09.

UPDATE: While it's always fun to hear dramatic tales of the exciting and competitive wine trade, one needs to remember that often times they are not true. Such is the case in the suggested poaching incident above (see the thread of comments below). I would like to apologize to our hero for any misrepresentation of his hard work gaining the trust of many excellent winemakers and succesfully marketing their wines in the States.